Do not visibly every day coffins,
Sedin decrepit universe?
Derzhavin.
Recent belongings undertaker Adrian Prokhorov was hoisted on bier, and a pair of skinny for the fourth time dragged with Basman on Nikitsky, where the undertaker to resettle his whole house. Zaperev bench, He nailed it to the gates of announcement, that the house is sold and given vnaymy, and I went on foot to the housewarming. Approaching the yellow house, Recently seduces his imagination and finally bought for a considerable sum, old undertaker felt with surprise, that his heart not rejoice. Crossing the threshold of the unknown, and when he had found in his new home cluttered, He sighed a ramshackle hovel, where for years it was the eighteenth the strictest order; He began to scold his two daughters and women for their slowness, and he began to help them. Soon the order established; Ark with obrazami, cupboard with crockery, table, sofa bed and took them to a certain angle in the back room; in the kitchen and living fit the product owner: coffins of all colors and all sizes, and cupboard with mourning hats, cloaks and torches. He towered over the gate sign, Amur depicting portly with inverted torch, with signature: "Here are sold and upholstered coffins simple and painted, also let rental and mending old ". The girls went into his parlor. Adrian walked around your home, I sat by the window and ordered to prepare the samovar.
Enlightened reader knows, Shakespeare and Walter Scott *, both presented their gravediggers people cheerful and playful, so opposed to this stronger impress you. Out of respect for the truth, we can not follow their example, and forced to confess, that the nature of our undertaker perfectly matched his gloomy craft. Adrian Prokhorov was usually gloomy and thoughtful. He let the silence except for, to scold his daughters, when he found them idly gazing out the window at the passers, or to solicit for their work in those exaggerated price, who had the misfortune (and sometimes fun) need them. so, Adrian, sitting by the window and drinking his seventh cup of tea, as his manner was immersed in sad thoughts. He thought of the pouring rain, which the, a week ago, I met at the very gates funeral of a retired brigadier *. Many mantle of narrowed, many hats warped. He foresaw unavoidable expenses, For long-time supply coffin dresses come in his miserable condition. He was hoping to avenge a loss on an old merchant's wife Trukhina, which is about one year was at death. But Trukhina died on Razgulyai, Prokhorov feared, to her heirs, despite its promise, They took the trouble to send him all the way and do not make a deal with the nearest contractor.
These thoughts were interrupted by three franmasonskimi accidentally hit the door. "Who's there?"- I asked the undertaker. table, and the man, which at first glance could learn German craftsman, entered the room and with a cheerful view of approaching the undertaker. table, dear neighbor, - he said the Russian adverb, that we have without laughing to this day can not hear, - sorry, I disturb you ... I wanted to meet you as soon as possible. I sapozhnyk, my name is Gottlieb Schultz, I live across the street from you, in this house, that against your windows. Tomorrow celebrate my silver wedding, and I ask you and your daughters in a friendly way to dine with me? ". The invitation was graciously accepted. The undertaker asked the shoemaker to sit down and a cup of tea vykushat, and, thanks to the open disposition of Gottlieb Schultz, soon they were talking amiably. "What sells your grace?"- said Adrian. "Uh-heh, - I replied Schultz, - this way and that. I can not complain about. Though, of course, my goods not, that your: living without shoes cost, and the dead do not live without a coffin ". - "very true, - said Adrian;- but w, If the living can not buy boots, then, not prohnevaysya, and he goes barefoot; a beggar dead and the gift takes a coffin ". Thus the conversation went at them some more time; Finally shoemaker stood up and said goodbye to the undertaker, renewing his invitation.
Next day, exactly at twelve o'clock, undertaker and his daughter came out of the gate novokuplennogo house and went to a neighbor. I will not describe any Russian caftan of Adrian Prokhorov, neither the European costume Akulina and Daria, departing in this case from the custom, adoption of the current novelists. I suppose, however, not superfluous to note, both girls wore yellow hats and red shoes, that they happened only on special occasions.
Cramped apartment cobbler was filled with guests, for the most part German craftsmen, with their wives and apprentices. From Russian officials was a policeman, Yurko chuhonets, who could buy, despite his humble title, special favor with the host. Twenty-five years he served in this rank faithfully, how pochtalion Pogorelsky *. Fire twelfth year, destroying the ancient capital, destroyed and his yellow hut. but immediately, by enemy exile, in its place was a new, greyish with white Doric columns Order, Yurko, and again began to pace around her with an ax and armor homespun *. He knew most of the Germans, living near Nikitsky Gate: otherwise it has happened even spend the night with Jyrki from Sunday to Monday. Adrian immediately met with him, as a man, which may happen sooner or later have need, and the guests went to the table, then they sat down together. Mr. and Mrs. Schultz and their daughter, seventeen Lotkhov, Dining with guests, all together treated and helped the cook to serve. beer flowed. Yurko ate enough for four; Adrian was not inferior to him; his daughters were repaired; conversation in German by the hour was made noisier. Suddenly, the owner demanded attention and, uncorking bottle zasmolennuyu, loudly in Russian: "To the health of my good Louise!"Polushampanskoe zapenilos. The host tenderly kissed the fresh face of forty years of his girlfriend, and the guests noisily drank the health of the good Louise. "To the health of my amiable guests!"- declared the owner, uncorking a second bottle - and the guests thanked him, draining their glasses again. Here health began to follow one after the other: Health drink especially kazhdogo guest, Moscow health and drinking a dozen German towns, We drank the health of all plants in general and each in particular, We drank the health of masters and apprentices. Adrian drank with diligence and until amused, that he offered some humorous toast. Suddenly one of the guests, fat baker, He raised his glass and said,: "For the health of those, in which we operate, our people Kund!#" Sentence, like everyone else, It was accepted with joy and unanimously. The guests began to bow to each other, tailor shoemaker, sapozhnyk Portnoy, the baker to both of them, all the baker and so on. Yurko, So in the midst of mutual bows, screamed, turning to his neighbor: "What? drink, father, the health of their own dead ". all laughed, but the undertaker considered himself offended and frowned. Nobody noticed, guests continued to drink, and already rung for vespers, when they rose from the table.
Guests left late, and mostly drunk. The fat baker and the bookbinder, whose face seemed in little red morocco binding *, Yuri took a hand in its booth, observing in this case the Russian proverb: Debt good turn deserves another. Undertaker came home drunk and angry. "What's this, Indeed, - he reasoned aloud, - the craft of my dishonesty other? except the undertaker brother executioner? What laughs basurmane? except the undertaker Gaer Yule? I would like to invite them to a housewarming party, ask them a feast: John will not happen the same to! And I will call those, which work: Dead Orthodox ". - "What are you, father? - said an employee, which at the time of his Razuvaev, - It is a city that you? Perekrestys! Convene dead housewarming! What a passion!"-" By God, sozovu, - continued Adrian, - and for the next day. Welcome, my benefactors, Tomorrow I have a feast in the evening; I will treat, what God has sent ". With these words the undertaker went to bed and soon began to snore.
Outside it was still dark, as Hadrian woke. Trukhina merchant's wife died that very night, and a messenger from her steward rode Adrian riding with the news. Undertaker gave him a dime for vodka, I dressed hastily, I took a cab and went to Razguliay. At the gates of the deceased was already pacing the police and merchants, like crows, Pochuev dead body. The deceased was lying on the table, as a yellow wax, but not yet disfigured by decay. About its close relatives, Neighbors and Pets. All the windows were open; candle burning; Priests chanted prayers. Adrian walked over to nephew Trukhina, young Kupchikov in the trendy sertuke, declaring him, the tomb, candles, cover and other funeral accessories would be immediately delivered to him in the whole serviceability. The heir thanked him absently, said, that the price he is not traded, and to rely on his conscience. Grobovshtik, according to his custom, swore, that will not take too much; significant look exchanged with the clerk and went to plead. All day traveled rampant in Nikitsky Gate and back; in the evening all the slides and went home on foot, releasing his cab. It was a moonlit night.
Undertaker safely reached Nikitsky Gate. At Ascension called out his acquaintance and our Yurko, recognizing the undertaker, I wished him good night. It was late. Undertaker came already to his house, when suddenly it seemed to him, someone came up to his gate, He opened the gate, and it disappeared. "What does it mean? - thought Adrian. - To back up I need? I do not whether the thief got me? Do not go to my lovers duram? what good!"And the undertaker thought has to click in to help his friend Yuri. At that moment someone else approaching the gate and was about to enter, but, seeing a host running, He stopped and took off his three-cornered hat. Adrian's face seemed familiar, but hurry before he could quite see him. "You come for me, - said breathlessly Adrian, - sign the, beg ". - "Do not stand on ceremony, father, - he replied dully, - means go ahead; and shall show guests the way!"Adrian and had no time to stand on ceremony. The gate was unlocked, He went up the stairs, and one of them. Adrian seemed, that through the rooms of his people walk. "What the hell!"- he thought, and was in a hurry to enter ... then his legs buckled. The room was full of corpses. The moon through the window lit up their yellow and blue faces, sunken mouths, cloudy, half-closed eyes, and protruding noses ... Adrian learned with horror in their people, buried his efforts, and the guests, with him logged, foreman, buried during heavy rain. All of them, ladies and men, They surrounded the undertaker with bows and greetings, except for one poor, recently buried the gift of, which the, conscience and ashamed of his rags, I not approached and stood humbly in a corner. Others were all dressed decently: dead woman in a cap and tape, Dead-ranking uniformed, but with unshaven beards, merchants in holiday coats. "You see, Prokhorov, - said the foreman, on behalf of all honorable company, - we all went up to your invitation; stayed only, which already could not stand, which collapsed completely, but who were only bones without skin, but even then one could not resist - because he wanted to visit you ... "At that moment a little skeleton pushed his way through the crowd and approached to Adrian. His skull gently smiling undertaker. Scraps of light green and red cloth and shabby canvas here and there hanging on it, how the six, and leg bones were fighting in big boots, like pestles in mortars. "Did not you recognize me, Prokhorov, - said skeleton. - Do you remember the retired sergeant of the Guards * Pyotr Kurilkina, the same, which, in 1799 year, you sold your first coffin - and still pine for oak?"With these words the corpse stretched out his bony arms - but Adrian, gather strength, She screamed and pushed him. Peter staggered, I fell and shattered all. Between the dead rose a murmur of indignation; all stood up for the honor of his friend, moored to Adrian with abuse and threats, and poor host, deafened by their screams and nearly crushed, He lost his presence of mind, he fell on the bones of the retired sergeant of the Guards, and swooned.
The sun had long since lit up your bed, on which lay the undertaker. Finally he opened his eyes and saw before him a worker, fanned samovar. With horror, Adrian recalled all of yesterday's incident. Tryuhina, Brigadier and Sergeant Kurilkin vaguely introduced his imagination. He waited in silence, to employee start a conversation with him and announced consequences of the night's adventures.
- How do you slept late,, father, Adrian Prokhorovich, - said Aksinya, giving him his robe. - To you sign neighbor tailor, and the local policeman ran an ad, that the private birthday today, yes you deigned to rest, and we do not want you to wake up.
- And you come to me from the deceased Trukhina?
- deceased? Do you think she died?
- Eka fool! Did not you help me yesterday to settle her funeral?
- What are you, father? Is not the mad mad, Ali hops yesterday still has not passed a cha? What were yesterday's funeral? You spent the whole day feasting at the German, He came home drunk, I fell into your bed, Yes, and I slept until this hour, how much to mass otblagovestili.
- Oh Do! - said the delighted undertaker.
- West so, - responsible employee.
- Well, if so, let more tea, Yes Call daughters.
